Tribute to Amy Dehesa

After hearing a sister in Christ succumb to her sickness....

To Those Who Went Ahead Of  Me:

In as much as I will miss your presence here on earth, you don't know how much I envy you!  You are now in heaven with Jesus.  You feast as His table.  You have fellowship with Him.  You praise Him day and night without being distracted with the errands of this world.

You serve Him with your glorified body.  No more aches and pains.  None of the tiredness you used to feel.  None of the sleepiness because you need to regain your strength.  You can jump, skip, and dance as high and as fast as you like. Oh how I envy you! 

You sit at His feet and bask in His glorious light!  How wonderful it is!

For us who were left behind, we cannot help but shed tears of sadness for our loss.  Your positive presence gave us inspiration amidst our trials.  Your godly wisdom gave us hope.   You were not much of a joker but I do remember the joy and laughter I experienced being with you.   There were many!

And the food!!  Oh boy, we love eating to a fault.  When you would pass by my desk, more often than not, you would have snacks with you.  You and your husband would share the best places you've been and the food to order.  You will be missed!!

Death will no longer look as gloomy as it did because I look forward to the day that I will see you again in heaven.  

You and the all the others who went ahead of me.  

Let Go and Let God

We put so much power to the word CANCER that once you are diagnosed with this, you start living your life in fear and worry even after the operation and therapies.  This is something I refuse to do but at odd moments of the day,  I cannot help but think, "Will it come back?  Will it spread?  Are the cancer cells spreading right now?" 

People who care will sometimes say "How are you?  Are you cured? What's the status?"  I wouldn't know how to reply.    I would usually say, "By faith, I'm cured."   We would then go our separate ways but the thought of "Am I really cured", lingers in my mind.

One of the main causes of this sickness is stress.  Being in a state of stress makes your body acidic and this affects your immune system.   So I tell myself to not stress about the unknown.  First and foremost, you can only control what's within your reach.  These include sleeping early, drinking lots of water, eating fruits and vegetables, going outdoors and basking under the sun,  getting active by exercising. 

The rest, I lift up to God in faith, knowing full well He is in control.  In this aspect, then yes, by faith, I am cured.

Crayons in a Box

Sometimes I wonder if we unintentionally add pressure to the younger generation when we post our children's status of having passed a particular university.   I've been seeing lots of it on my wall lately.  Maybe the parents are very proud of the achievements of their child, or maybe the achievement of their child is connected to their own achievement or pride.   And it's all good because you're an adult.  You, by this time, have ideally mastered who you are and your emotions.

But I wonder for the child what this all means.  When we insensitively project to a child that his/her sense of worth is connected to the school you get accepted to.   And for those who didn't get accepted to that particular school, what could they possibly think of themselves?   Are they less of a person?  Are they failures?  Is their hope in the world all pinned to a particular university?

I'm reminded that every post we put out there cannot and should not be called freedom of expression or democracy.   That would simply be selfish.   Every post we put out there can inadvertently change the people for the good or for the bad.  Therefore, any idea/picture/word we post on social media should be well thought of.  That is being responsible.  That is loving others.  That is improving our society and country.

This concept isn't new.  Many of us already think this way.   We just sometimes forget.

So whether you are green, blue, maroon, yellow, pink, fuschia, lavender, aquamarine, turquoise, etc... excel in your school.  Be the best you can be.  Crayons, colorful as they can be, still stay in one box. 

My Munting Muni Muni - Old vs New

Whenever I feel frustrated, I would usually remember a quote I heard somewhere before. It goes something like "Expectation is the mother of all disappointments".
It was because I expected someone to act in a certain way (usually how I would act if I were him/her) but he/she didn't, so I'd call this person irresponsible in my mind.

But God would remind me to turn my reflection inward. I'd say to myself it's because you had expectations that's why you were disappointed. It doesn't matter whether my expectations were just or reasonable. Truth of the matter is, you cannot expect others to act the way you want them to. Doing so will just make you angry and frustrated.

Another realization I'd have is that as people get older their patience get shorter (in my case anyway). I tell myself you used to be more patient when you were younger. Patient in the sense that I didn't expect things to go my way when I was in my teens or 20s.  But now that I'm older, I have certain habits or preferences that make me inflexible to the preferences of others. I was just thinking the other night about 2 kinds of people. One that says "tthis is what I want, adjust to me". Or one that says, "Is this what you want? Okay I'll adjust to you". Sadly enough as I get older I see myself acting like the former. And this is not the person I want to become.

I sometimes reprimand myself by saying, "When have you become this narcissistic person that it should all be about you?  About your schedule?  About your convenience? About your likes and dislikes?" So I take a step back and control my tongue and reaction for fear that I might say or do something I might regret.  Once you've put it out there, it's hard to take it back.

I'm just so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning and with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can always change for the better. 

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here. - 2 Corinthians 5:17

Kawawa

For the past few months, I often find myself saying, "Kawawa talaga mga Pilipino".   And  I'm sincerely naaawa.  You will find myself saying this often as you read along.

As the struggle for power goes on and on and on and on and on... it's the Filipino people who suffer.  Kawawa talaga mga Pilipino.

As clouts manipulate the media and instigate dissension, the ignorant Filipino bashes whomever they please, adding fuel to the fire to the pleasure of the one pushing the right buttons. Kawawa talaga mga Pilipino. 

The rich become richer.  The poor become poorer. The rich don't care as long as they have money.  Kawawa talaga mga Pilipino.

The smart ones find ways to bring in drugs, to influence parents to sell their children for sex, to manipulate commodities so prices get higher and higher.... Kawawa talaga mga Pilipino.

My heart goes out to the suffering Filipino.

And yet you do not see me choosing sides or hating anyone because there is a greater truth above all these issues. 

13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and He is the one to whom we are accountable. - Hebrews 4:13

35 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. 36 And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. 37 The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.” - Matthew 12:35-37

God who watches us never sleeps nor slumbers.  He will not let us stumble. He will act as a protective shade over us!

Although I say, kawawa mga Pilipino, I feel more sorry for those who abuse their power because of pride and greed.   A day will come when they will pay for their sins and it will not be a day of rejoicing as far as I'm concerned.  Hate the sin, not the sinner.   When that day comes, there will be no second chances.  God will finally put his gavel down and judge righteously for He is a Holy God.

Where is your faith anchored on?

Many people want to trust God but many people fear the God they want to trust in.
I have been a christian for many years now. Although I still struggle in my every day walk, I am very thankful for my church that they taught me the basics of having faith and of increasing one's faith.

One lesson I never forgot was the OBJECT OF YOUR FAITH.  It's not the strength of your faith, but the object of your faith.  The object of your faith is very important because this will either make you or break you.   The object of your faith must be credible and sturdy.  Not only should the object of your faith withstand the test of time, but the object of your faith should not be prone to change like the changing of the season.    The object of your faith also has nothing to do with your feelings. 

Imagine this skinny guy skating on top of a frozen lake. In his mind, he trusts that the ice will carry his weight.  His faith on the ice is very strong.   He is confident he will not fall.  He steps on the ice.  It cracks. He falls into the icy lake.

Now imagine this big gigantic guy who steps on the lake.  The temperature has been negative for weeks and the ice is thick and frozen solid.  Yet he is afraid that the ice will not hold his weight.  His confidence on the ice was weak.  But the ice did not crack.   It held his weight in spite of his feelings towards the object of his faith.

Many of us think the strength of our faith is the one that will carry us through in times of trouble.   If our faith is strong, then we can make it.  But if our faith is weak, then we will fail.   The truth of the matter is, it is the credibility and reliability of the object of our faith that carries us through.  Even if we had the strongest of faith but the object of our faith is not reliable, chances are, we will be disappointed and will fall away.   But if God is the object of your faith, even though you falter, He will continue to remain reliable and credible. Not because of who you are, but because of who He is.  He does not change His mind.  He is not fickle.  Numbers 23:19-20 says "God is not human that He should lie, not a human being, that He should change his mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill? "  The more we know God through prayer and the reading of His word, the more we realize He is someone you can cast your burdens upon.  He is true to His word.  He is credible and reliable.

Many times in my life, I have often questioned and complained when things don't go my way.   I don't ask God, "why me".   I ask God "why not me?"   Why not the tickets I wanted for a particular concert?  Why not this guy I have been praying for for some time?   Why not a vacation to this place I've been dreaming of?  Why not this promotion or increase that I have been hoping for?  Why why why?

However, the Holy Spirit corrects me by reminding me that the object of my faith is credible.  That God loves me and will never do anything to harm me.  "For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plants to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

I remember years ago, I was waiting for this promotion "due to me" since I was the next person in line for the position.  So imagine my surprise when I found out my managers opened the position to outsiders instead of promoting me!  I bawled my eyes out.  I was so hurt.  That was the time I was starting to attend bible studies.  I was starting to have a relationship with the Person of my faith.  God is credible.  God is reliable.  When God closes doors, He opens windows.   I processed my hurt into  curiosity.  I prayed, "Okay God. What are you trying to say? Where do you want me to go?"

Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find.  Knock and a door will be answered.  A few years after, I resigned from that company and applied as a full time church worker in the same christian church that was holding the bible studies.   That was almost 15 years ago.  I have been working under my church for 11 years already and I couldn't be any happier!   To be honest, I felt out of place working for a company.  God knew me best and He knew where I would flourish.  God gave me a purpose.  I was not to be a manager but to be a church worker in service for Him for His glory.

For those who are struggling with the object of your faith, may this prayer help you in your journey.

Dear Lord,
Forgive me when I have doubts to who you are, when I question your goodness because of the things going on around me.  Help me to know you more, for me to understand and accept your ways.  I want to trust the object of my faith.  You said in Jeremiah 29:13 that I will seek you and will find you if I seek you with all of my heart.  Help me to know and trust you more.  In Jesus' name. Amen.

My Munting Muni Muni - Diet before it's too late

One of my closest friends used to tell me if I didn't change my eating habits, I was going to get sick.  That was around 4-5 years ago.   He would gently remind me on many occasions that God has been blessing me with so many things but I will not appreciate or enjoy these blessings if I did not take care of my body.

I was classified as Obese 2,  diabetic and worse, I was stubborn and lacked self control.   With my loving junk food and having a sweet tooth, how could I say no to chips, ice cream, and pizza?   My friend would see me gobbling these yummy treats and say enough already since my cravings had been satisfied.  Did I listen?  Noooo!  I had to finish the entire bag of chips!  Or would have a double portion when one would have sufficed.

It was not as if I did not try dieting or exercising.  I tried swimming 3x a week.   Treadmill every other day.   HCG diet for a month.   Cohen diet for 2 months.   On and off for many years but to no avail.   On all four activities, I got sick and the momentum of losing weight would stop.

I remember crying out to God and asking for help again and again.  Others may be addicted to porn, gambling, smoking, drinking, or drugs.    I was addicted to food.   In my self assessment, I was also stress eating and had an instant gratification mentality.    When the workload was heavy, I'd leave my desk to find something to eat thinking I was hungry or that I deserved to reward myself (in my case with food).   If some people were called Anorexic, I guess I was the opposite of that.  This was really more of a mental and emotional problem rather than a physical one.

Sometime in the 80's, there used to be a toothpaste commercial showing a set of false teeth being dropped into a drinking glass half filled with water.  The voice over would say, "Sandaling pangangalaga o panghabang buhay na pagsisisi."   My sister and I would remember that commercial and laugh whenever we were too lazy to brush our teeth before going to bed.   That commercial was shown almost 3 decades ago.

Going back to the present, I have lost 40lbs. in a span of four months.  I also have breast cancer.   Apparently, I did not pay heed to the message of the commercial as much as I should.   As our pastor would say, you are free to choose but you are not free to choose the consequences of your (poor) actions.

Opting for naturopathy instead of chemo therapy, I don't eat as much as I used to anymore.   I shifted to an all natural diet without processed food.   Organic veggies as much as I can.   Nuts for protein.  Root crop or kamote for carbs.

Am I sad or depressed?  Honestly, no.    Am I regretful?  Of course.

But am I happy?   YES!  Because I am no longer a slave to food!     The bible says in Galatians 5:16-17  -  So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.

I know it is only by the Holy Spirit that I am able to say no to the cravings of my palate.   Even up to now, I am amazed of how I can turn down lechon, leche flan, kare-kare....etc. laid down in front of me during parties or get togethers.   This is a testament of the love of Christ that He will indeed send a helper (through the Holy Spirit) for those whose trust is in Him.  All glory to Him and Him alone.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!